Trying to get pregnant can feel awfully lonely. At first, you’re filled with hope and excitement but as the months drag on with a bin full of negative pregnancy tests, you feel defeated and frightened.

That something might be wrong, that there is something wrong with you.

How do you talk about this with your friends? It seemed easy for them. Maybe they’ll think there is something wrong with you too. Maybe they’ll treat you differently, stop inviting you places in case it upsets you.

How do you get the support that you need?

The problem with the world we live in is that, as women we are so worried about what others thing. We don’t want to make a fuss, we don’t want to put anyone out.

So we keep silent

We don’t mention the sleepless nights, hours spent trawling through google trying to find the answer to our problems.

We don’t talk about all the different diets we’ve tried to lose weight.

We don’t tell anyone about the constant thoughts we have about trying to get pregnant. Worrying about why it isn’t working, what we can do differently, what we’ve done to deserve this, the list is endless.

You don’t have to do this alone.

Finding the right support is essential. So what is the right support?

Someone you can be completely open with and trust

Being able to say exactly what you need to is essential. The stuff going round in your head can sometimes be really nasty, that does not mean you’re a nasty person. But being able to share those thoughts with someone will help you process them and understand where they’ve come from.

Without trust, you won’t feel safe or feel you can share everything that comes up.

Someone who won’t judge you

You judge yourself so harshly every single day. The last thing you need is someone else to do that for you.

Find someone who will not try and blame you or try and fix you. All you need is someone to be there with you and hold your hand.

Someone who will really listen

Have you ever been in the situation where you are having a conversation and just waiting for the other person to finish so you can say the next thing you want to say?

It’s surprising common and not what you need from your support person.

You need someone who is going to actively listen to what you are saying so that you feel heard. Even if they cannot offer you any advice, the act of just being there for you is a powerful one.

Do you have anyone like this in your life right now? It might be someone in your family, a friend whose been through a similar experience, a colleague, a healthcare professional, a counsellor, anyone who you can trust.

Charities provide support services if you need to talk to someone completely anonymously.

If you’re in the UK – try Fertility Network UK 

Somewhere else? Pop a comment below and I’ll try and help you find a local charity that will help.