Episode 4: Myth: You don’t deserve fertility care til you’ve lost weight
Episode Summary
On this episode of Fat and Fertile, we explore the myth that you don't deserve fertility care or treatment until you've lost weight.
We explore where that belief comes from, what happens when we think that and what we can do instead.
What to Expect from the Podcast
Nicola refutes this belief, emphasising that diets fail because the body's survival mechanisms resist starvation. She shares a client's journey from feeling body hatred and responsibility for infertility to embracing self-worth and seeking medical advice and highlights the importance of recognising one's inherent worth and reproductive rights, as affirmed by the World Health Organisation.
Highlights
Exploring the Myth of Deserving Care
Impact of Shame and Body Image
Changing the Narrative and Embracing Worthiness
Links and Resources
Nicola’s book, Fat and Fertile
Get Involved
Nicola would love to hear from you! If this episode resonates, share your story, ask a question, or leave a review.
Support the Podcast
If you’re enjoying Fat and Fertile, please share this episode on social or leave a review! Every share helps make this info more accessible to everyone who needs it.
Explore More with Nicola
Support My Work: Buy me a coffee on Ko-Fi to help keep my podcast and free resources accessible.
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Free Resources for Fat Folks: Access a hub of tools designed to support your fat-positive fertility journey, including guides, checklists, research summaries, and my popular Can I Get Pregnant in a Bigger Body? workshop.
👉 Explore all these resources here and take your first step toward parenthood without stigma or shame. I’m cheering you on every step of the way!
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Hey, my lovely Welcome to fat and fertile the podcast. I'm Nicola salmon, fat positive fertility coach and author of The look fat and fertile. I'm obsessed with helping folks navigate getting pregnant in an anti fat world. On this podcast, we'll explore the complexities that fat folks face when you want to grow your family. If you want to support this podcast, I would love for you to share it on social media or leave me a review on your podcast app. And if you're looking for fertility support without a side of shame, and I would love to chat with you about how we can work together. Check out the link in the show notes for more information. Are you ready? Let's dive in.
Hey, my loves, and welcome to the fat and fertile Podcast. Today, we're doing a slightly different episode. Our first couple of episodes focused a lot on some of the research around getting pregnant in a bigger body. But this week, the myth we're looking at is based on a thought that many folks think when they want to get pregnant as a fat person, it's the thought that you don't deserve care and support growing your family till you've lost weight. It's totally understandable if you think this. As fat folks, we are told time and time again that it is our fault that we're fat, that fat is bad, and that it's our responsibility to make our bodies smaller, even though a, fat doesn't mean anything about you. B, bodies are meant to be diverse, and C, you cannot control your weight. The fertility industry led us to believe that if we wanted it badly enough that we would do anything, including losing weight to reach our goal, and that if we were unable or unwilling to do that, then we obviously don't want it badly enough. But that's just not true. I know that you have spent so much of your valuable time, energy and resources on this, or you've actively avoided it for all the same reasons. It's not that you don't want this enough. It's that your body wants to protect you more. Your body is doing everything in its power to keep you safe, and that includes the built in physical systems that are designed to stop you from starving. That's why diets don't work. Your body is inherently designed to keep you alive, including when famine hits, and your body doesn't know the difference between a diet and famine, so all the physical mechanisms get activated. Your metabolism slows down. Your brain is hardwired to seek out high calorie foods and consume them, and you think about food endlessly. You can't motivate yourself out of these survival mechanisms, your body is keeping you alive. It's on your side, and it's doing its best for you. I know it doesn't always feel like that, but you are on the same team. This thought that you don't deserve care until you've lost weight can also bring up heaps of shame and judgment about our bodies and ourselves. That shame can eat away at us, leading us into hating our bodies and believing that we don't deserve to become parents. That shame may mean that we put off speaking to our doctor or even anyone about wanting to get pregnant, and we might decide to delay it, telling ourselves that once we reach that certain goal, then we'll be ready. I want to tell you a story about one of my clients that I've been lucky enough to support. They'd been wanting to get pregnant for about four years, and they'd stopped using birth control. They had been told by countless professionals that the only way that they would be able to get pregnant was by losing weight. So they kept trying. They tried five or six different diets, but their body kept fighting back, and none of them provided long term results. They felt anxious about seeing their doctor again because they hadn't lost weight, and they felt utter body hatred because they believed that their body was completely failing them. They didn't feel able to talk to their partner about their feelings, because they felt they were letting them down too. They shouldered all the responsibility and felt so overwhelmed because they blamed themselves wholly for what they were experiencing. They were also a. Afraid that if they started fertility coaching, that it was caused a whole experience to further consume their life. But during our work together, their whole perspective shifted. They moved away from diets and instead focused on feeding their body enough to feel satisfied and safe. They recognize the impact that their thoughts had around their body, and we work towards finding a place of neutrality. They started to feel that they were worthy of care, and began to dismantle the layers upon layers of guilt and shame that they had built up over the years, which led them to being able to finally see their doctor again and ask for some tests. In the end, they didn't need additional medical care to get pregnant. But the most profound change they experienced, in their own words, was a deeper sense of genuine hopefulness for the future, whatever it brings. I want to offer you the idea that it is within your power to change this thought, the thought that you don't deserve care till you've lost weight. Imagine for a second, then instead you 100% believed that you were worthy and deserving of all the care you needed to grow your family. How does that feel? What emotions does it bring up, although changing your thought won't change the BMI limits of the clinics or the doctors attitudes, it will change how you feel about accessing care and how you feel about your body. Instead of placing the blame on you, it will firmly place it where it belongs with the healthcare systems that demonize fat bodies. You do not need to earn your right to healthcare. It's part of your reproductive rights. The World healthcare organization or who state these as, quote, reproductive rights rest on the recognition of the basic rights of all couples and individuals to decide freely and responsibly the number of children, spacing and timing of their children, and to have the information and means to do so, and the right to attain a higher standard of sexual and reproductive health, they also include the right of all to make decisions concerning reproduction free of discrimination, coercion and violence. There are many reasons why doctors and fertility clinics will claim that it is ethical for them to apply BMI restrictions to fertility, care and treatment, but none of them stand up to scrutiny. I'll pop a link in the show notes to a free resource that you can download if you need research to back you up on this. But from the moment you were born, you were inherently worthy. Your body size, not anything else about you can take that worth away you are worthy of accessing all the support and care that you need to grow your family, and no one can take that away from you If you need any support, any guidance, any care, accessing that care and changing this thought. I want you to know that I'm here. You can email me. You can message me. You've got someone in your corner.
Thank you so much for joining me today on fat and fertile. I'm currently welcoming folks to work together one to one with me, either weekly, over 12 weeks, or there's a one off consultation. These coaching sessions are great for folks who want guidance on how to navigate getting pregnant as a fat person. Need support in advocating for themselves around fertility and want someone on their side who absolutely believes in their body's ability to get pregnant. Check out the link in the show notes for more information and to book a free consult. Call with me see you next time. Foreign.
Get Involved: Nicola would love to hear from you! If this episode resonates, share your story, ask a question, or leave a review. You can also join the Fat and Fertile Alliance - a friendly space to connect with others on similar paths.
Support the Podcast: If you’re enjoying Fat and Fertile, please share this episode on social or leave a review! Every share helps make this info more accessible to everyone who needs it.
Apologies for any typos - transcribed byhttps://otter.ai - it can make mistakes! If you need clarification on anything - please get in touch!