It’s ok not to be ok – fake positivity in fertility

It’s ok to feel like you’re crying so much you’re going to run out of tissues

It’s ok to want to scream at the next pregnant woman you see

It’s ok to feel like you never want to leave the house ever again

It’s ok not to be ok

We are told to stay positive, we are told to stay hopeful, we are told to think good thoughts and trust that everything will work out.

I’m guilty of this too, telling my clients to believe that the best will happen.

The problem with this is that, as women, we’ve been told to smile. 

To be the good girl, 

To be seen but not heard.

To look pretty for boys. 

To put others before ourselves and that’s what we have done our whole lives.

We are a generation of people pleasers and we’re being peddled a lie. 

It’s impossible to be positive all the time and we are setting ourselves up for failure.

And for us failure = constant thoughts about how we are not good enough, how rubbish we are for not being able to think positively all the time, for not being more hopeful.

The human experience is a range of human emotion. There are no good emotions and bad emotions, we are here to experience them all. Issues arise when we linger on them too long. If we get stuck in one particular emotion and can’t get out of it again.

Why is this so common?

Because we are pretending. We are fine fine fine, not willing to open up, to express how we’re feeling and shutting it tightly away until it cannot be shut away anymore.

So I challenge you today, don’t be ok. Be exactly what you are. Feel that emotion, live that emotion, tell people that is how you are feeling and be ok with not being ok

Then move on to the next one.

Give yourself permission to be less than perfect and to focus on your needs above others 

Need some help getting started? Download these free permission slips I made for you

Written By Nicola

Nicola is a fat-positive fertility coach and author of “Fat and Fertile”. She helps fat folks navigate getting pregnant in a weight-obsessed world and advocates for change in how fat people are treated whilst accessing help with their fertility. Nicola uses her unique fat positive framework to support people in finding their own version of health without diets, advocate for their bodies, relearn how to trust their body and believe in their ability to get pregnant.

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